On the days when pillows are soaked with my hurt,

I’m going to try and find out who the author is. Here’s a powerful poem & a prayer, for those struggling with anxiety, depression & the dreaded sinking feeling…

On the days when pillows are soaked with my hurt,
From the nights of my nightmares,
Yet your eyes don’t avert.
You see me,
You hold me,
And I know I’ll make it through.
But God it really hurts,
When this dream isn’t coming true.
I want so bad for him to open his heart,
It’s selfish,
I know,
I just didn’t think we’d ever part.
But the sinking feeling was always there,
From rejection and mistrust,
He didn’t act like he cared.
Not a single “I love you” came from his lips.
Not with fists,
But with silence,
I was hit.
God break this pattern,
Of thinking I’m not enough.
Get me out of this cycle,
Where I find everything tough.
Relationships and smiling,
Simple hellos scare me to death.
I’m tired of this captivity,
No more anxiety,
Give me rest.
It seems all I feelIs empty nowadays.
But it’s not very ‘Christian’,
So I’m ashamed to say.
But Jesus,
I struggle,
Every morning I wake.
I never thought I’d be the girl
Who’s smile was fake.
Live by faith and not feelings,
God I’m trying to.
But it’s really painful,
When no one wants you.
They tell me the same,
That I’m wanted by Jesus.
I can’t tell them he’s distant,
So I nod and say yes.
Jesus, where are you?
My confidence is all gone.
But deep inside,
I know he’s faithful,
So I keep powering on.
To God be the glory for the change in my life,
Even if it feels like I can’t do anything right.
Busy people around me,
Too busy to give me love,
And that’s why I’m needy for my saviour from above.
I will hold onto promises,
Though right now they’re unseen.
To the world I may be no one,
But to God, I’m a queen.
So watch me mess up and break down and fall apart.
His grace is the glue to fix my broken heart.
Through weight loss and weight gain,
Through youth and old age,
Even if I end up alone,
I’m thankful God’s the one who stays.
So people look at my tears,
Hear the plea in my cry,
See others more deeply,
Or at least try.
Be kinder,
Include them,
Sit and talk,
Show you care.
Love people fearlessly,
Before it’s too late,
And they’re no longer there.
Suicide is real,
And it’s effects can’t be reversed.
Loving people like Jesus,
Is the only way to break the curse.
The world can be lonely and cruel for girls like me,
But it was fearless loving people,
That led me to Jesus,
Who set me free.
But I know that for some here,
This battle has been long,
So step forward,
Embrace freedom,
In Jesus’ name,
Depression be gone!